American Muslim

Of Tolerance ... and Friendships

Asalaam Alaikum (Peace be with you),

Last week, I had a very unfortunate and displeasing incident at my friends' house and since it happened so recently, I feel compelled to blog about it since it's burning a hole in my head. The quick version is that I went over to these sisters' house to pick up some food donations for Project Downtown [the Chicago chapter of a national Muslim charity that provides nutritious and halal meals to the homeless and poor.]

Their mom is a typical Pakistani "aunty" and within minutes of my arrival, she produced some dinner and made me sit down and eat. While I was eating, I was talking to these two about something or the other and we got on the subject of Palestine. I mentioned that I might be visiting that country in a few months - another long story - and one of the sisters asked, "How do you start a Jewish parade?" I immediately stiffened and muttered something like, "Um, yeah I don't really want to know," and she told me the punchline. I had this sour taste in my month because I can't stand jokes about other nationalities/races.

So, I decided to say something about it and how I was tolerant of Jews because I had background in Jewish Studies, etc. Then, one of them asked, "So, do you believe the Holocaust was really a holocaust?" That's when, for lack of a better word, I "lost it." I started getting angry and saying stuff like how I didn't appreciate their jokes and the whole conversation went downhill in a matter of minutes. They were bemused with my initial reaction, till they saw I was dead serious and they got pissed. I muttered my goodbyes, picked up the donations and walked out.

When I got home, I wrote them an email. Here it is:

"Asalaam Alaikum,

I realize that both of you are probably bewildered, confused and downright pissed off at my reaction to our conversation and my sudden departure. But from where I was sitting, the conversation turned sour quickly and worsened because of your inability to take my reaction seriously.

"A few years ago, if someone made a comment or joke involving Jews, I might have laughed nervously, knowing the joke was in poor taste, and probably felt uncomfortable inside, but the feeling would have subsided. But, then and now, I would develop an insecurity or a chink would form in my opinion of that person because of the joke.

"My problem is that Muslims do a lot of things to hurt their world reputation and when they continue to make jokes about other groups, particularly Jews, all it does is devalue the positive efforts made by everyone else to improve the image of Muslims. You might think making these jokes or comments was okay since, as your friend said, it was in your house among friends and not on the street. But, I disagree. To even try and challenge the Holocaust ("Do you believe the holocaust was a holocaust?") or make an anti-Semitic joke ("How do you start a Jewish parade?") are both signs to me of a deeper mistrust.

"You might think I am too sensitive and you are right. I am sensitive on a number of issues and my feelings vs. others' feelings have always been in conflict. But, I am telling you now that almost nothing pisses me off more than to hear Muslims make comments about Jews because, as I just said, it makes all Muslims look bad. Years before I became Muslim, I did a minor in Jewish Studies at Purdue and though I am a proud Muslim now, I am grateful for the Jewish knowledge I obtained in college because at the very least, it made me sensitive to other groups.

"I am too old to surround myself with negative people - and people who make comments like yours' are negative people. I would like to remain friends and would like both of you to take part in PD, but if my ultra-sensitivity is problematic, than we have a problem."

One of my favorite professors at Georgia State, Chip Gallagher in Sociology, wrote a beautiful pamphlet titled, "Ten Simple Things You Can Do to Improve Race Relations." It affected me deeply and that I feel like I need to share with everyone. Perhaps some copies are in order for these Muslim sisters?