Bismillahir Rehmanir Rahim (In the Name of Allah, the Beneficient, the Merciful),
I just called my grandparents on both sides and had good conversations. I'm going to be in India from March 16th-25th, which will be my first trip in two years and I'm stoked. First, I called my maternal grandfather and we talked about cricket. My grandmother was bathing, so I'll have to call her back tomorrow. She gets jealous if my grandfather talks to me and she doesn't. It's touching, but funny. Then, I called my paternal grandmother and we chatted in Russian (yes, I am learning Russian these days. I do about an hour or two every week with a born-again Christian teacher in Lawrenceville, GA - more on that in another post). I could tell she[grandmother] was pleased, since she's been learning and teaching Russian since the early '70s.
My conversation with her was pretty innocuous, till she dropped a little hint towards the end about me being introduced to a girl while I am there. She's not hardcore about finding me a wife, but she has brought it up from time to time in hte last few years. I mean, I even asked her to find me someone as late as a year ago, but obviously now, things are a little different. I politely told her that I would think about and then said bye.
But, after I hung up, I was kinda paralyzed with fear for a second because her comment had brought up the jarring realization that my Islamic conversion is going to destroy my grandparents. As my frequent readers know, it took me almost seven months to tell my Dad, but how on earth am I going to tell my grandparents? Should I?
In the first place, I love my grandparents very much. It is truly a blessing from Allah (SWT) that I am 27 years old and still have three grandparents and one great-grandparent alive (mashallah). My grandparents have taught me a lot and one day I will have to pass on stories of them to the younger generation. For much of my life, I tended to be more supportive of my Dad's parents over my mom's since I viewed the paternal side as being more sophisticated and political while my Mom's parents, I viewed as draconian and feudal. I mean I still regard my paternal grandfather, P.K. thatha, as being my single biggest influence besides Allah (SWT). But, I started to really warm to my mom's parents only in the last five years when I realized just how progressive they were. This came about when four of my mom's cousins married non-Hindus over a two-year span ... and they were okay with it. We now have one Pole, one Malay, one Italian and one Christian in the family :)
Now, I am very close to all three remaining grandparents and try to divide my time with them equally (which is going to be hard to do this time around because I don't have much time anyway. It's not like all my grandparents sleep in one giant bed like Charlie's in Roald Dahl's story :).
But, I know in my heart, as I'm sure anyone from India reading this post, that marrying a Muslim or bringing a Muslim into a Hindu family is a whole other ballgame. I might as well tell them I'm gay (which I'm not) - it will have the same reaction. It's not that my grandparents are vehemently hostile towards Muslims, but to be reasonable, they were all born in the 1930s. That's three generations ago. Can I really expect them, with all they have seen in Indian politics, to openly embrace Muslims?
The problem is that all three grandparents are also pseudo-liberals. They can pull off an amazing about-face when it comes to accepting someone from another community, but can then turn around and put down someone else. I have seen them do it.
I will probably just have to hide my Islam from them while I am in India, but I am sure that every day there, I'm going to have the weight on my heart when I was hiding my religion from my Dad. I will continue to pray and ask Allah (SWT) for guidance.
if being okay with marrying non-hindus make your mom's parents 'progressive', what would you call yourself, considering you intend doing the exact opposite of what you expect your grandparents to accept ?
ReplyDeletewhy must your grandparents be progressive and accept muslims if you cant be equally progressive and marry the girl they find you (i.e non-muslim) ? tough question right ?
so don't be hypocritical by being patronizing of how your grandparents were born in the 1930's and how Indian politics has kept them from embracing muslims. youd better snap out of your islamic-illusion before you go around labeling people.
Shaam, if you truly believe Islam to be the one true religion, and if you truly do love your grandparents, then shouldn't it be your top priority to tell them of your conversion and how it has benefitted your life?
ReplyDeleteYou should be encouraging them (as well as the rest of your family) to convert as well. Or do you want them to go to eternal punishment after they die?
I am definitely not a hypocrite. My religion states that I, as a Muslim male, can only marry a woman of "the book." I don't care if other people in my family marry people of other religions and ethnicities. I come from a Hindu family but not everyone in my family is devout. I would say that even among my grandparents, my grandfather doesn't believe and doesn't follow any rituals but does whatever my grandmother says. Taking away that generation, there's widespread non-practice and even some agnosticism in my family. So, what is doing the "right thing" in a family that is half non-believers and half-Hindu?
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, I chose Islam because there is no caste system in the religion - unlike Hinduism and even present day India. My grandparents, if I ever tell them, would never forgive me for leaving a Brahmin Hindu family for becoming Muslim. Why should I do what my family tells me to do or marry the people they ask me to?
akhee, I don't even know what to tell you. Maybe you have made some friends who also are reverts from a hindu background and maybe they could give you some advice. I justk now in my life, I always take the cautious approach. It is easier break something than it is to fix it. praying Salat ul istikhara maybe the route to go. I admire your courage and patience through out all of your trials. May Allah (swt) Increase you in good!! ameen
ReplyDeletehmm... "my religion says..." - thats a pretty awful excuse for doing something dont you think ? when are you going to join a madrasa and declare jihad on america ? quite a few people seem to think their religion says to do this.
ReplyDeleteno caste system in islam ? shias and sunnis may not be castes, but they could just as well be called that. shias wouldnt ordinarily marry sunnis and vice versa. so why bash another religion when your brand new house is not in order ?
you dont HAVE to marry the girl your pseudo-liberal family finds you. you can marry anyone you choose so long as you arent marrying a muslim only because your new found religion tells you to.
as you said, until recently you were open to the idea of your family finding you someone. moreover having told your grandmother to find you someone, you have NO business doing an about face saying you are now a muslim and you are going to marry a muslim because your religion requires you to do that. if you could "settle" for what your family thought was good/right for you, until a year back, you can do it now as well. nothing has really changed. your family still knows whats best for you.
on the other hand, if you do infact love someone (and let me reiterate, not because your religion compels you to dig chicks covered from head to toe), then by all means go ahead and marry her. your family will eventually respect you for that. but being overzealous about your new found faith and finding some 'observant' muslim girl is not the way to go.
maybe you should convert to rastafarianism. that way your demented reasoning could be blamed on the cannabis.
matthew : its ironic that youre called matthew, yet are encouraging ss to convert his family to islam. if you were being mischievous - dude you rock! if not, go get your name changed.
I am challenging Shaam. If Islam is the true religion and non-muslims go to hell, why doesn't Shaam try to get his friends and family to convert? Does he want them to go to hell?
ReplyDeleteFor the record I'm a Christian and there's not a thing wrong with my name.
Also, Shaam, many would argue that there is certainly a caste system in Islam. It's just between genders instead of social classes.
matthew : good to know you aren't part of the freakshow called islam.
ReplyDeletei think shaam/ss is running this blog and doing the wacko stuff he's doing for the attention and shock value it offers. its a desperate cry for attention. just as his tattoos were. so it would be a bit too much for him to try getting his friends and family to convert. hes unlikely to go that far, but may just do it to silence his critics. (oh.. poor guy. you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. but you don't care do you ?)
on a different note.. matthew.. if u profess to be a christian, aren't you going to hell as well for encouraging shaam to spread the word of the devil er.. i mean allah.
Allah is just the Arabic word for God. The same God that you believe in apparently (based on your Christian criticism of Matthew). I believe that Jesus was a prophet and I believe in his immaculate conception from Mary (Mariam). I believe the Bible is the Word of God, as well as the Psalms, Dead Sea Scrolls, Torah and Ten Commandments.
ReplyDeleteYou may believe I write this blog for shock value, but that is farthest from the point. I write this blog so that I can write about some of my challenges in converting to Islam.
I don't dislike you or your comments and I intend to win you over with kindness.
Jazak Allah Khair (May God Reward You for Your Good Deeds).
You guys have to get over the fact that for a Muslim their dreams, aspirations, motives for their actions, and pretty much anything in their life is (should be) for the sake of pleasing their lord. From the smallest of actions, to the biggest of them (marriage, and other major decisions), everything that a Muslim does is to please Allah (swt). For someone who believes in a God, this really shouldn't be difficult to grasp. Another thing that is necessary to understand about Islam is that it is not merely a system of beliefs that one keeps in their heart to themselves. Islam manifests itself in individuals psychologically and physically in every conceivable way. It's a complete code of life, and those who show interest in accepting Islam are made well-aware that we are to obey Allah (swt), and that our highest aspiration is to be a good slave of Him.
ReplyDeletess - you quite obviously haven't read the bible, the torah, the blah blah and the blu blu. if you had, you'd know that they're all incompatible with islam. believing one is disbelieving the other.
ReplyDeleteplease explain how you believe the bible, yet dismiss jesus as a prophet. (no, there isn't such a thing as half believing the word of god. you either do or you don't.) you do realize god, jesus and the holy spirit are one and the same? (as vague as that may sound, christians think it makes sense. i guess thats what 'belief' does to you - extends your imagination well beyond anything you could have imagined!) coming back to your point - you believe everything Judaism and Christianity preach (through their books) yet profess to be a muslim. there is no place for the muslim allah in this three way orgy between the christian god, his resurrected son and the ghost he left behind. i would be thrilled to get a glimpse into your theosophy about how islam, christianity and judaism are infact compatible.
for the record, i am not a christian. i dont dislike you either. i just think youre confused. other than that your blog offers me a good laugh.
thanks for your patronizing wishes, but doing a good deed is a reward in itself.
previous anonymous poster : you sound worldly wise. please be so kind as to tell me how you know what allah (SWT, AWT, ABC, XYZ and 123) said and how you know what he meant. correct me if im wrong, but allah (SWT, AWT, ABC ....) seems to have told a lot of people to declare jihad on american interests by strapping on bombs and blowing themselves up. dont you all read the same book ? how come some people are reading more into it than others ? couldnt it be that you are wrong and the jihadis got it right ? please explain.
Matthew: Muslims believe that they can only offer the informations of Islam and the message of God to people. If they open their minds to it, and try to learn about it, God will open up their hearts to it. It cannot be forced. The best kind of Da'wah (calling to Islam) would be with a person's character.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: There is no point in arguing with someone who's point isn't to understand, it's to insult. I hope that one day you can try to open your mind and want to understand what it is 1/10th of the world population seems to be so influenced by.
khadija : i apologize if i have insulted you or anyone else through this discussion. which part of the above discussion did you find insulting and why ?
ReplyDeletei do truly want to 'understand' the islamic point of view on the questions/points i have raised. i am especially interested in knowing how 1/10th of the world is able to disagree with the 2/10th of the world that believe in jesus on some very fundamental issues, yet are able to have at least one follower (namely ss) who holds the view that all judeo-christian scripture is the word of allah.
khadija - do you also think that the bible, quran, torah and the dead sea scrolls are the word of god ?
khadija, (most) Christians believe the same thing. We can only give the message, God has to open people's hearts to it. what I am saying is: if Shaam refuses to tell his grandparents the informations of Islam then how will they ever believe? Shouldn't Shaam do everything that he can to deliver a clear message of Islam to his grandparents and give them every oppportunity to believe. Unless he wants them to go to hell when they die?
ReplyDeleteWhy are some of you so worked up about his conversion? How does it affect you? Comments that are nearly personal attacks are not constructive criticism.
ReplyDeleteOr, why can't you accept that he may be a moderate, modern Muslim? Funny how people are telling him not to become a radical and then chastizing him for not pushing Islam on his grandparents.
Some of you are borderline trolls.
-CZ
anonymous/CZ : care to define what a modern, moderate muslim is ? i think its an oxymoron. going from being open to an arranged marriage (probably to a brahmin girl) to marrying a girl of the 'book' is neither moderate nor modern. besides religion (especially the variety that claims to have gods word in the form of a book or books) and 'moderation' just dont go hand in hand ? after all, what on earth is moderate islam ? is allah only sort-of real ? did he not promise 40 virgins ?
ReplyDeletewhats funny is how ss/shaam is able to get away being a hypocrite by labeling his relatives/family as 'pseudo-liberal' when he is a fundamentalist on the very same issue. of course, his zeal for his new found religion is responsible for that.
while i dont think ss ought to break his grandparents hearts, i do agree with matthew - if his religion is so true to him, shouldnt he have enough confidence in allah to work his magic on his grandparents after he attempts to convert them ? after all, ss seems to have the confidence to marry a girl of the book. so breaking his grandparents hearts ought not to be an issue to be concerned about. mighty allah with his amazing grace and mercy ought to be able to take care of things.
if he were to do it, it would be an extremely selfish thing to do.