Dad,
I know that I have disappointed you and mom many times in the last 10 years since I started college - can you believe it's been that long?!? - and I also know that as parents, you both have always had a second sense to know when I was hiding something from you. Well, I have been hiding something from you since last June. Mom and Veena know about it, but we all decided not to tell you for your health. But, I can no longer keep this from you because it is too much a part of my life now.
Last June, I took shahadah and converted to Islam. Yes, I am Muslim now and I thought mom would have told you by now or you would have figured it out. I have been giving you several small clues, but I don't know if you realized what I was getting it - the beard, the wearing of kurtas and kameezs, always bathing (I was acutally doing wudu or washing to pray), etc. Oh, and I am not vegetarian. The reason I can't eat anything besides veggies or seafood is because I follow dietary guidelines for halal vs. haram food. So, when we've been going out, I haven't eaten chicken because we haven't gone to places that usually serve halal meat.
Alright forget about food. I know this is a serious thing and I don't want you to be sad. You know I have been grappling with religion for some time dating back to college when I was interested in Judaism and Christianity. But, Dad, this is different. Much different. I am wholly a Muslim now in behavior, dress (I wear shirt and tie most of the time), speech (lots of 'inshallahs', 'mashallahs, etc.; friends; etc.
I decided I would tell you today because I have thought about how to tell you every day for the last seven months. But, I feel I just can't hide this from you anymore because I can't hide being Muslim that well. This is why I was going to marry the Pakistani girl - we're both Muslim. But it didn't work out. And this is why I won't be meeting eligible girls in Madras during Rasika's wedding because I need to find a Muslim girl - no Hindu girls or any other type of girls. Just a traditional, observant Muslim girl.Dad, you and mom have done a lot for me. Much more than other parents. And I think we can all agree that I have changed for the better significantly in the last two years. I am working out now and trying to keep my finances in order. But, I can't keep this from you anymore. I even told dr. Chechier about this and he told me I needed to act like a man and just tell you, though I suspect he would have liked me to do it in person. I'm sorry - it had to be via email for me.
I think it will be too hard to talk about this via the phone or in person yet, so please respond to this email and tell me how you feel.Your son,
Shyam---------------------------
Some excerpts from his first email:
"Shyam: I dont have much time now, so this will be short, further discussions later. While I suspected something of this nature, I did not expect you to "convert", what ever that may mean. The first question is : why go to this extent? What is it going to achieve? If you think that your problems will be solved by converting, or by any religion for that matter, think again ...
"Secondly, if you think the chances of you geting a bride is better because you converted, think again. Muslims are much more strict than other, willnot change, are unbending in their views, will not interact with other kinds of people, esp the more strict and othodox ones. We might accept them, as we do in our family and environment, but not vice versa ...
"In short, you should go back to being just a normal kind of young man, all this will only result in more problems for you, something you cant afford to have. finally, do NOT mentin this to the grandparents - it will ruin their moods for ever. think what you want in your mind about god and religion, but there is not need to exhibit this by your dress or looks.
"If someone has promised you that all your problems will be solved by "converting", then it was a lie, a coercion to make you change, a credit to the person who did the converting, but nothing in it for you. More later, DAD
And excerpts from his second email:
"Like it has happened before several times, the widsom of my words will strike you as truths one day or another. If marriage is your priority, you are going about it the wrong way. You have a far greater chance of finding a spouse if your mind is open. Living with a hijab in the US is pure hell for the woman - whatever you might have heard otherwise. Its insulting. You need emotional support yourself. You need a person who will be a strong influence on you, someone who is independent, not a meek follower. Think of the children who will have even a greater rough life. If there is no other choice, or if this was the way it was before one immigrated to this country, then its different. To do something like this out of choice is illogical.
"Being religious in your heart & even practising a moderate mid-road philosopy is one thing, but trying to grow a beard and dressing all the time like an orthodox muslim in mainstream America is not what I ever imagined you would do.
it's about time, seriously ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is real freedom. Not having to hide. Now life unfolds.
ReplyDeleteCZ
This is incredible, Shyam...never saw it coming. Give me a call when you have some time - I'll be around the next couple days.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that a simple cloth covering the beauty of a woman in public is viewed as a threat. Similarly, a man who refuses to shave his beard, and grow it out (like many westerners did several decades ago even!) is viewed as an abomination. Furthermore, these actions are labeled as illogical even ...
ReplyDeletePerhaps you can shift the focus of criticism upon your outword manifistations of Islam towards the stuff on the inside. Explain that these actions are cannot in and of themselves be labelled as illogical. The reason being is because a Muslim has certain assumptions about the universe and life which make performing these actions perfectly logical and legintimate. If someone would like to criticise you, perhaps the assumptions upon which you base your outword actions would be a better target. Explain that IF there was a God, and he really did send guidance to this world thru human messengers who were perfect examples of outward and inner conduct, and God commanded mankind to emulate and follow them, and somehow we had a complete life portrait of this messenger of God handed down to us ... would it not behove man to emulate him in all aspects? If all of the above were true, and someone had faith in it, would it or would it not be the logical thing to follow the Messenger of God in all inward and outword ways? This ... is where Muslims stand.
yipes
ReplyDeleteLol!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMuslims are desperate to proove that people convert to their religion :D
Come On You can do better than this except these fake blogs and youtube videos :D
islam is going to end soon.It is the will of Allah too. Face it ;)
Salam, my advice to you as a Muslim is do not do anything to please anyone because there is no way you will be able to please everyone at the same time or take personally the criticism of people who dunt understand Islam. If you let it get to you, all you are doing is adding more stress on yourself. Just aim to please Allah 9SWT) Your dad's comments are harsh and as a muslim u are doing great by still trying to please your parents and your lord at the same time, but who am i to judge. You have to believe in yourself and believe that you can achieve. and MashAallah you are probably one of the best muslims i know, you help so many people and Allah (swt) alone knows wat you do and how much u suffer. NO ONE ELSE KNOWS! May Allah be with you. I also know that every time you are in pain Allah swt takes away some bad deeds. Look at how much emotional and physical pain you've been through. Allah is all merciful and all forgiving. No good deed is left unseen. Allah(swt) will inshAllah reward you for all ur deeds if not in this life then in the after. Someone once told me, after i asked y do i keep suffering to look at it as god is pinching your cheeks. When you see a cute child and you pinch their cheeks it's not cause' you wanna hurt them it's because you love them, god is pinching yours cause he luvs you and wants you to remember him. So remember him, talk to him, and pray. If we had no troubles in our lives would we remember Allah (swt) the same way we do now? Think about it. May Allah (swt) reward for all you've done and bless you and keep you on the right path. Ameen.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Im sure you will find someone just as great as you are to spend the rest of her life with you, many women will be lucky to spend their lives with a caring and understanding, God fearing man, but maybe Allah is holding that one special girl for you that actually deserves a man like you for the right time. "indeed god is with those who are patient." Keep your head held up high, you deserve the best.
you can email me at give_me_peace77@yahoo.com