American Muslim

I took this photo of Thiruvanmiyur Beach (Chennai) at dawn.

A Trip of Firsts
Asalaam Alaikum (Peace be with you),

I've just returned from jumuah at Masjid Al-Mumineen in Clarkston, GA. It's a cold, icy day in Georgia and I pray that Allah (SWT) gave more ajjar to those who braved the weather to come for jumuah while I'm sure many chose to just stay at home. When I stepped out of the masjid, I was hit with a blast of cold air and for a second, couldn't believe that last Friday, I was attending jumuah with two old classmates, Parvez and Afzal, at Peer Kurasani Masjid in Chennai in India. I'm glad that I expected the worst of my most recent trip to India because it really was quite good. Yes, there was a fair degree of drama, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I couldn't believe it had been almost three years since I had last been in India. While I was there, I I made some decisions about my future. Here goes:

#1: It was the first time I've seriously questioned my own mortality:
Heart disease and diabetes are par for the course in both sides of my family and among South Indians in general. I have known for years that my lifestyle choices have been unhealthy, but I always just pushed off the thought because I was like, "next year." Well, I turned 30 a few months ago and next year is now. My dad got his first heart attack when he was 36 and the way I am eating and not exercising, my own heart attack looms on the horizon.

We also did my blood work in the last few days and the numbers are equally grim. My fasting blood sugar - after 12 hours of no food, only water - was 112. And for my cholesterol, my HDL (good cholesterol) is terrible - 28, when it should be at least 40 for men. I have seen my father struggle to bring his HDL up through a combination of intense exercise, medication and austere dieting and through that trifecta, his HDL is only 31. There are no more second chances for me. My father has said for the last few years that success in life - through marriage, job, education, etc. - is pointless if you are not around to celebrate it. And for the first time I am hearing those words and understanding them. May Allah SWT give me the taufiq (ability) to take care of myself.

#2: It was the first time I've thought about moving back to India for good:

It would be amusing to many and downright shocking for some in the U.S. if my friends heard I was planning on moving back to India for good. But, within just a few days of being back in Chennai (Madras), the notion to move back seriously started to percolate down from the deepest depths of my brain. I was speaking Tamil with ease and I didn't feel like a foreigner, as much as I did a Madrasi who was on extended leave abroad. There was a renewed confidence there, a swagger, about being Indian and enjoying a lifestyle that was hitherto inaccessible for most. Just today, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh gave a speech asking Non-Resident Indians (NRIs) to return.

When I was younger, I used to mock how "American" Indians wanted to become when I saw something of American popular culture transplanted - sometimes poorly - to India [pizza is a good example]. A couple of weeks ago, when I first landed, I made some comment or the other to my sister about how amusing it was to see a Levi's store or something, and she gave me a cold stare and said, "God, you're acting so freakin' American." It kind of hit me then that I was indeed "acting American." What right did I have to presume that I was part of a culture that owned a copyright on material goods? Did not people the world over have the right to enjoy themselves and reap the rewards of their hard work?

#3: It was the first time my family talked about marriage ... a lot.

This was also an interesting - and sometimes infuriating - trip because I got asked a number of times by a number of people why I wasn't married or interested in getting married. Of course, I want to get married. But, most of my family still does not know that I am Muslim - something I would ideally like to change, but that my parents explicitly do not want to change. The end result of all this subterfuge is that I had to constantly say that I wasn't ready (even though I am), I didn't have enough income (even though I do) and I wasn't sure about my long-terms plans (even though I am, at least as much as a Muslim can plan; Allah SWT is the best of planners).

However, I did make a vow before I left for India that I wouldn't lie about my faith and I fulfilled that vow as much as I could. I even told my mother and sister when they picked me up from the airport that I wasn't going to lie about being Muslim and I didn't. If someone had asked me what my faith was, I would have told them. As it turned out, I only ended up telling one person - one of my mom's cousins who is really open minded. She didn't judge me at all and was very supportive. I do know that the more I talk about going back to India and the more I make plans to do so, the more I have to be mentally prepared to tell my extended family about my faith and why I want to marry someone who supports Islam (insha'Allah).